How Do You Spell "PAIN"?

What do these machines have in common? Answer: they all squeeze, flatten, mash, and cause pain!!!! I have finally finished with my last doctors visit. Today was my yearly visit to the gynecologist. Of course that meant the old dreaded 'MAMMOGRAM"!!! My appointment was for 3:30, so I left work early and was very careful to be early. I did not want to have to wait but......you guessed it. My doctor was called to the hospital to do an emergency delivery. There I sat in the waiting room out front. No magazines that I cared to look at. The lady beside me had her little girl with her. I kept hearing this annoying noise over and over and over!!! It was some kind of hand held game that she was playing. Finally, I get called to the back for my mammogram. The tech was very nice but.......it was cold in there and she says"Take everything off except your bottoms and put this gown on to open in the front. If you have on deodorant, take it off with these towelettes(COLD)". Step forward towards the machine and lean in. I am then placed on a shelf that is metal and cold. DOWN comes the MASHER full force. She says " Are you okay"? Now what did she think...I am undressed with a front opened gown, with my breast laid on a cold metal shelf and a vice grip clamped down as far as possible!!! Then she says" Don't breath. Fret not...I am holding my breath and trying not to scream!!!!! What I want to know is, do they go down as far on everyone? Some women are larger than others and well......you could do some serious damage if you went too far!!! I NEED MY DEODORANT BACK!!! I am sweating by now. Forget being cold because I feel a HOT FLASH coming on.

I am now escorted to another area where I am handed a cup for a specimen...no problem because I definitely need to go after what just happened to me! Next is the blood work. After what I had just been through, blood work was a breeze. Time to wait some more, and more, and more. I am finally called to the examining room where I am given another gown to put on. This time everything comes off. Again I wait, and wait, and wait. By this time I feel the need to empty my bladder, but here I sit with nothing on but a peek a boo gown that opens in the front. I am thinking...boy, I sure hope that she does not mash around on my belly too much!!! As I am patiently waiting for my turn, what do you think that I hear....she is out at the desk talking on the phone to her hubby. They are discussing where and what they are going to eat for supper. PLEASE!!!!! I finally get out of there at 6:00pm. I survived it all and will not have to do that again for a year. It sure is not easy being a woman. haha